marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
