i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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