By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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