Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
