grandma shit on top of the toilet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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