Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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