So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
