What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
