White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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