dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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