WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize