508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
