i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
