I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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