Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
