just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it because I queefed?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
