I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
