You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
