Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am naked and annoyed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
