I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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