When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
