She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
