Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
