He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
