My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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