Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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