I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
