i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
