Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
