Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
