so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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