we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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