I'm passing your future prison.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, beer. Big fan.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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