walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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