guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost the right to judge tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize