what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
