do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
