she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
