i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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