Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
