allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
