He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
