I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
