Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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