Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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