im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
