super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
