i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
