Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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