Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize