she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize