She's JV to your varsity
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
