just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
