I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
