Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
