Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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