just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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