Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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