i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
