Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
