New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
