I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
