Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize