and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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