Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
