I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would fuck him just for his dog
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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