I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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